It feels like I stopped writing a long time ago. But maybe I've just been incubating. Incubating and working on a project that has an even longer incubation period than I do.
I stopped writing publicly because Life got in the way. My cat, my soulmate, died of cancer shortly before my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and thankfully my mother survived. I dropped everything to be with my mother, to help her through her journey - Not because I'm an unselfish, self sacrificing martyr. No. I did it because I knew no one else could, or would, drop their all too important lives to take the time to hold my mother's hand. I did it because I understood the narcissistic characters in my mother's life would not help co-write this chapter of her life, being too busy narrating their own books. I did it because I knew full well that if I allowed others to neglect her, I would never forgive myself.
So. I gave in, and I allowed my mother's health to come before my own. I spent weeks before the procedure deep cleaning the house as I knew she would want. Doing laundry, cooking, chauffeuring her to and from every single appointment. And if I was lucky, if I managed to take care of the needs of my mother, father, sister and niece, I might reward myself with a late night shower and some Netflix, only to do it all over again the following day. She would survive. This we knew. But it would require a piece of me. I would have to give her a giant chunk of me that has yet to regrow like a sad piece of my leftover regenerating liver.
I still can not ascertain whether I lost only a part of me, or all of me in the last few years. I can not fully grasp whether I am anywhere the same person I was...which is impossible I know. But I need this old version of myself, at least a sliver, in order to know that it was all worth it. That me walking through my daily life as a former shell of myself is worth it because there is still ME somewhere in me. That there is a shadow, however faint, that can bring me warmth. I can't continue to think that every time I inebriate myself and sob with the force of absolute mourning, that it comes from me mourning my old self, and by extension my mother's former self. I don't want to believe that I've died. That we died. But some days, it's just impossible to get through the day without feeling that profound negation imbedding itself in my chest confirming that yes, I am not the same person anymore. I have no idea who I am, where I'm going, or who I want to be. And I curse my own over-sensitivity and introspection for throwing me into yet another existential crisis.
NOTE: This is the opinion of one writer on the Rotoscopers team, as is evident by last years Frozember content event. While Frozen has taken the world by storm, there are still others who don’t hold the film in such high regard. This is an article showing the less-popular perspective.*The original article posting can be found here.***Mild Spoiler Alert**
Some of you might remember an article I wrote in November titled 5 Reasons Why I’m NOT Excited for ‘Frozen
‘, leading up to the release of the latest Disney Princess film. This article received a huge reaction from passionate fans in support of the film, so leading up to the moment that I finally got to watch the film, I kept asking myself, “Did I put my foot in it?”
While the financial success of the film can not be argued, nor the instant loyalty it received from fans, I still find a need to represent the other side of the coin. As I mentioned in the original article, I was really hoping to be proven wrong on all accounts in regards to my lack of enthusiasm on the film. While certain aspects of the film did surprise me in a positive manner, I was still left displeased with the film as a whole when the credits started to roll up the screen. Instead of going head first into a whole review, this article will look back at those 5 points from the original article.*Continued onto the original article posting found here.*
*The Princess Profiles is a series of opinion articles on the Rotoscopers website which takes a close look at the Disney princess in the wake of the release of their most recent film "Frozen" last November. This article was originally posted here.*
As any young girl growing up, I was in love with the Disney Princess. She was everything I wanted to be, everything I wasn’t. And there was one particular princess that held my heart hostage; Aurora.
Aurora was the daughter of a king and queen whom had waiting a long time for a child. During the gathering to celebrate Aurora’s christening, we meet the three good fairies, all of which want to bestow a gift to Aurora. Flora gives the princess beauty, Fauna gives the gift of beautiful song, but before Merryweather can present her gift, Maleficent shows up angry because she was not invited to the shin dig, and bestows Aurora the gift of death upon her 16th birthday via pricking her finger on a spinning wheel. Left with no other choice, Merryweather gives the gift of sleep to counteract Maleficent’s evil spell. The fairies then take Aurora in secret and raise her for the next 16 years.*Read the entire article here*
I had the immense privilege to attend the New York Film Festival on Saturday 28th of September, and watch a screening of The Wind Rises
. Being Hayao Miyazaki's last film (as far as we know), and a Studio Ghibli creation, expectations were high. I, along with a vast audience of maybe 300 people, got to enjoy a wonderful story the way it should be enjoyed: on the big screen, with fellow enthusiasts and loved ones held close.*The original article can be found here*
Being a part of the entertainment industry has always been a little difficult considering what a tree hugger I am. Not many understand the amount of waste that is produced while creating art regardless if it's for a commercial, short film, industrial video or a feature film. While there are a lot of productions that have recently been "going green" by eliminating water bottles and opting for bio-degradable cups, plasticware and plates, there are still many things productions can do to eliminate waste, particularly in the art department.
Having lead the art departments for both a short film and now a music video, I can safely say, going green in art is not only great for the environment, it's also great for the production budget! If you have no idea where to start, here are five ways you can make sure you not only cut your budget costs, but also decrease waste in your department, while getting a great end product.
Disney’s first animated feature film was Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
which was released in 1937, and since the success of that film, princesses have been Disney’s go to storyline to the vast audience’s pleasure. This November we have the latest Disney film Frozen
, which as we reported
earlier this year, will be adding the number 12th and 13th princesses to the Disney line up. As the trailer for Frozen
won’t be released
for a few more days, and even though some of us were able to take a look at the leaked
video recording of the trailer, there are still many questions left regarding what kind of princesses they will be, and what direction Disney is now going to take with their princesses. But before we move forward, let’s look back at the qualities Disney has highlighted in their princesses in the past.*The original article can be found here.*
Today is the kind of day where I have to choose what I am going to do. Oddly enough, I am not alone in this routine. But I wake up, and choose to get out of bed, or I chose to keep my eyes closed for a little longer. If I choose to get up, I must then choose to either eat breakfast, or begin my day. It's later in the day that I make the most difficult of choices, do I go to an audition, or stay in and write some more? Do I take this job even though the thought of meeting new people makes my chest contract, or do I help make myself feel safe at home? Do I attempt to socialize with other human beings, or continue to live a hermit existence where only I can know the extent of my work? These choices may not seem like a whole lot to consider from an outside perspective, but they are the battles that I have to overcome on a daily bases. As an actor, these are harder battles for me to overcome aside from winning an audition or getting seen. These are the battles that define me on a daily bases. And these are the battles that not a lot of people understand.
If you are an avid Studio Ghibli watcher, you know that many of Hayao Miyazaki's films incorporate some of the toughest themes to be covered by animated films. Studio Ghibli doesn't just do coming-of-age stories (Kiki's Delivery Service, My Neighbor Totoro), or romance based stories (Only Yesterday, Whisper of the Heart) they also do fantastical moral stories (Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle). But the biggest theme Studio Ghibli covers is the theme of the morality of war and violence (or lack thereof). From Miyazaki's pre-Studio Ghibli days, Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, to his most noted, Princess Mononoke, and even his most recent, The Wind Rises, Hayao Miyazaki chooses to highlight humanity in the midst of violent turmoil, and war. But the reasons the studio chooses to do so can be more striking than the films themselves.
*The original article can be found here.*
My Neighbor Totoro
, while being one of Studio Ghibli's most important films, is also director Hayao Miyazaki's most universally iconic. Riding off the success of Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
(1984) and Castle in the Sky
(1986), Miyazaki decided to take a leap of faith and do something that would hit a little closer to home for him. Studio Ghibli's two previous films had garnered their success by playing to the public desires of animation at the time; magic, fantasy and futuristic plots and themes were extremely popular in Japan, and it was thought that anything else would prove to be a failure. But My Neighbor Totoro
proved to be everything but a failure, eventually becoming a globally recognized figure, and being adopted by Studio Ghibli as their logo/mascot.
Originally released in 1988, it actually took 10 years for Miyazaki to fully develop the story, while still making changes halfway through production. The idea for the film came during a time when Miyazaki was most unhappy about his career. He had just been offered to do a children's show on a Japanese television network, but he knew if he accepted, he would be giving up his own artistry and point of view. So, instead, he began writing what he thought would be a children's book, which ended up being a life-changing story. *The original article can be seen here.*
I have called myself an actor from the age of 15. Now, nearly a decade later, I'm struggling to continue to call myself by the very title that I have set out to achieve. Mostly because I'm not sure I personify everything an "actor" is supposed to be. According to all of the submission requests I keep receiving, an actor is supposed to be charming, interesting, funny, beautiful, but most of all an actor is supposed to be "fit". Or "athletic", or "thin", or, or whatever trigger word suits you best.
This little pity party isn't coming out of left field. I've recently decided to focus on my acting and writing careers by auditioning and going to background gigs as much as possible instead of maintaining part-time jobs. I've always known that this career path would never be easy, and I've particularly known that my castability is somewhat limited, but I never thought I would question myself, my strength, and my self-esteem as much as I have in the last 3 months...at least not as much as I questioned myself in my emo/goth-wannabe days which are way behind me.